Today I was having a very disturbed feeling the whole day. I blamed it to the haze! I guess eveyone is talking about the haze now. It has jammed thestar.com.my as millions of people are updating themselves on the haze condition.

Why I blamed the haze for my feeling today? Because of the haze, my boyfriend's sister from KL went back to hometown, Taiping. Let me introduce my boyfriend here, let's call him Sunshine. And you know what? She asked Sunshine for my dad's phone number as she wanted to meet him for lunch to discuss about out marriage. That is so outrageous!!! Ok, I've been with Sunshine for more than 5 years already. And to everyone, we are going to get married already, or it is about time to get married. Problem is, I have not spoken to my dad about this. Dad is going to freak out. No no, I'm not avoiding this because I don't love Sunshine or anything. Our relationship is very stable and I know and feel that Sunshine really cares and loves me very much. We are really fine.

The scenario here is, Sunshine works in Taiping and I am here in Penang. What I think is that there is no reason to get married yet if we are going to be living apart like that. I go back to Taiping during the weekends to meet him. In my mind, I don't want to have a family like that. What is the point? Even if we are married or not, there is no difference if we are going to be living apart. I am not willing to quit my job and go back to Taiping to work. There is nothing to do there. I just can't afford to lose this job now. Oh... I am so confused. I really don't know what to do. And I strongly feel that I should not be jumping into the marriage just because his sister desperately wants us to. The marriage is about me and him and no one else. Now the question is am I willing to compromise on this situation? I need a solution. I need to have a serious long talk with Sunshine about this. I really don't know what to do.

I'll be going to Cameron Highlands on Sunday to Monday with Sunshine. I think that will be a very good time to sort this out.